Private mentorship · one person at a time
One Year,
Then Go
You will come for your energy.
You will leave not needing me.
You are not tired. You are unbuilt.
Sleep does not fix it. The holiday does not fix it. You have started calling it your age.
I know the shape of it because I lived inside it for years. Businesses in four countries, a house, cars, the things I had been told to want. And a man in the mirror with dead eyes, holding twenty-eight pills in his hand at forty-five years old.
The feeling had two sentences and it repeated them no matter what the bank said. This is not enough. I am not enough.
What I had was not a character flaw and it was not aging. It was damage, and damage has an order in which it comes undone.
Effort without recovery is a loan. You feel strong on Monday because you borrowed from Wednesday. The books always balance in the end.
Mine balanced in front of a mirror. I threw the pills in the bin that morning and I have not taken one since.
Now the part that is usually left until last
Most pages like this begin with what you will get. This one puts what you will not get near the top, because that is the part people otherwise find out too late.
- I do not promise to heal anything. Two things happened in my body that medicine had a plan for. I will tell you exactly what I claim and exactly what I do not. I cannot separate the threads and I will not pretend I can.
- I do not promise you will be happy. What I can tell you is that being at peace no matter what the week throws at you is possible, because I got there, and I will show you exactly what I did.
- I do not promise it will be pleasant. There is a stretch around month four where you feel good and the old life comes back anyway. There is a stretch where the practice is boring on purpose.
- I do not promise less discipline. You will need more for about six weeks, and then far less than you need now, for the rest of your life.
- I do not promise a second year. There is not one. Not for you and not for anyone.
- And if you already feel well: you sleep, you have energy, you are honestly satisfied with how you are. Then your body knows what it is doing. Change nothing. This would not be for you, and I would tell you so on the call.
I am not a teacher. I am the experiment.
I am Estonian, fifty-eight, and I have been three men.
The first built things. Electronics out of Singapore. Scrap metal in the nineties, when that meant what it meant. Cars out of Latvia. A car alarm business across Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Belarus. Restaurants, nightclubs, and a four-storey building in Tallinn with a temple on the top floor and what was probably the largest vegetarian restaurant in Europe on the ground. I was good at it. I was also running all of it with my father's voice in my head telling me I was stupid.
The second man threw the pills away in 2012 and then spent six years mostly in a room under his house. Breathing. Sitting. Chanting. Thirty-six-hour fasts without water. Five hundred and twenty-five days of the same practice twice a day, restarting at day one every time I missed. I had a teacher in Texas. At the end of the six years he told me, smiling, that most of it had not been necessary.
He was right. And that is the expensive part of what I know: which of it actually mattered.
The third man is writing this. My knee, which a surgeon told me to give up on, closed a thirty-centimetre gap over six years of evenings on a couch. I sit in lotus now with no warm-up. I built a supplement because thirty separate bottles was too complicated for the people I was trying to help, and I published every milligram in it.
And for years now, most of what I actually do has happened in my own house, late into the night, one person at a time. No fee. No website. No name for it. People asked, and I sat with them.
What I am not
Not a healer, not a guru, not a certified anything. I cannot show you my medical records. I burned them years ago when I wanted that life to be over, and I never imagined I would one day need to prove my own past. I cannot show you the old family book that started this. It is lost, and I will not have a replica made.
What I have instead is my own body, twenty-five years of notes, and a willingness to show you all of it, including the years I wasted. There were several.
I am not giving you truth. I am giving you my lab notes.
at forty-five
without a break
the knee closed
Who this is for
- You are tired in a way sleep does not fix.
- You have the results and the money and something is still missing.
- You have tried many things. Each one was true. None of them held.
- You have a healer for the back, a reader for the marriage, a course for the money, and the life underneath has not moved.
- You are willing to start with the body even though you came for the mind.
- You already feel well. Then your body knows what it is doing. Change nothing.
- You want someone to explain your life to you every week.
- What you want most is to be told you are doing fine. Sometimes that is the right thing to want. It is not what happens here.
- You will not do the work between the conversations. If your only practice happens in my presence, you do not have a practice. You have appointments.
- What you need is a medical answer. Get that first. This is not that, and I would tell you so on the call.
Each step is a smaller lie than the one below it
The last one throws itself away. That is not a figure of speech. It is how the year is built, and it is why it can end.
You are not broken. You are running on empty.
Recovery first, then effort. Sleep, the evening, the gut, the materials, the light, movement. Everyone else starts with vision and values. We start where it hurts, because that is where you are, and because when you sleep again you will have the energy for everything above this.
It was never the tiredness. It was the loop.
You feel good, and the old life comes back anyway. This is the month nobody warns people about. We find the pattern, name it, and build systems that replace willpower. A system is a decision you make once.
You are not the voice in your head. You are the one listening to it.
Observe, name, interrupt. You cannot control the mind. You can direct it, and that is better. By the end of this you catch a thought while it is happening instead of afterwards.
The watcher is also in costume, and the seeker's mask is the most convincing one.
Every role you play, looked at one at a time. Fear, anger and shame turned back into information, with one question for each. The story you were handed as a child, found, and put down.
Everyone who sold you a step. Including me.
How the maze is built, and why every fragment you bought was true and still led nowhere. You get a five-point test for judging any teacher, and you run it on me, out loud, this month. Then the circle, the marriage, the conversation you have been avoiding.
The cage was your own construction. So was this staircase.
A full day set aside, in Tallinn or online, whichever you chose. You write the handover: your protocol, your practices, your circle, your next twelve months, in your own words. Then it ends, and nothing is offered.
What actually changes
The six steps are how deep you see. These four are what you do, and all four run the whole year. The method in full.
Fuel Together
- Sleep that works: falling asleep, staying asleep, waking without a stimulant
- Energy that is yours, not borrowed
- A gut that is quiet
- A written protocol built for you, revised four times in the year
- A body that does more at the end than at the start, whatever the start was
Sit Together
- A daily practice you keep, because it is a system and not willpower
- Catching a thought while it happens
- Two or three tools that work for you, chosen out of thirty, not all thirty handed over
- The end of "I do not feel like it" being treated as a command
Feel Together
- Fear, anger and shame as information, with one question each
- The roles you play, named. At least one of them dropped
- The story you inherited, put down
- Wanting things without being owned by the wanting
Stand Together
- Your circle written down honestly: who is truly close, who advises you, who stands with you, and who drains you
- The conversation you have avoided for years, had
- A partnership that either gets better or gets honest
- How you lead changes, because your own nervous system changed first
What happens if you take it seriously
You want to know what you actually get at the end. That is the right question, and most pages like this walk around it. Here is the honest answer, in the order things usually arrive.
- Weeks one to six. Sleep. This is almost always the first thing to move. It is the first thing we work on, the body answers it faster than anything else, and it is easy to measure.
- Months two and three. Energy. Sleep comes back first, then the energy that sits on top of it. This is usually where people stop describing themselves as tired.
- Months four and five. The catch. You feel better and the old life starts moving back in. Nothing has gone wrong. This is the part of the year I plan for, and it is the reason the year is a year.
- Months six to nine. A quieter head. Slower than the body, always. The mark is small and specific. You catch a thought while it is happening instead of an hour later. Once you can do that, you can do it for the rest of your life.
- Months ten to twelve. The people. Last, because it is the only part that needs somebody else to move as well. The conversation you have been avoiding for years gets had. Sometimes it goes well. Sometimes it simply gets honest, which is also a result.
That is the shape I have watched again and again, in my own body first and then in other people's. It is not a timetable, and yours will not match it exactly.
And now the part I will not dress up
I cannot guarantee any of it. Nobody honestly can. Two people do the same work and arrive at different speeds, and some things in a body do not come all the way back.
What decides most of it is not talent and it is not money. It is whether you do the small daily thing on the days you do not feel like doing it.
The people I watched do that daily work got their energy back. The people who only turned up for the conversations did not.
That is the whole pattern. It is not a secret and it is not a promise.
What I can promise is that you will always know where you stand. We measure the same things four times in the year, so neither of us gets to imagine progress that is not there. If it is not working, I will be the one who says it first.
The content is yours. The rhythm is not.
The year is remote on purpose. Work on a life has to happen inside that life: your kitchen, your week, your Tuesday. Flying somewhere to feel changed and flying home to the same week is the exact thing this is meant to fix.
| When | What happens |
|---|---|
| Every week | One conversation. Same day, same time. I do not watch the clock. |
| Telegram | Open every day of the year. Write when the thing happens, not when the call comes. I answer within a day. |
| Every month | A two-hour session at the turn of the month, where the step changes. |
| Four times a year | The same list of numbers, measured again: sleep, energy, weight, movement, and blood work if you want it. So we argue with numbers and not with feelings. |
| Around month six | One full day together, if you want it. In Tallinn or online. |
| In the last month | One full day together, if you want it. In Tallinn or online. This is where you write your handover. |
| Once, any time | An unscheduled call. No explanation needed. Used or not used. |
| Pause | Up to four weeks, for a real reason. The year gets longer by that much. |
The two full days
Twice in the year we put a whole day aside for nothing else. Once around month six, once at the end.
Both are your choice, in two ways. You can take them or leave them, and you can have them in Tallinn or online. Nothing in the year depends on you getting on a plane.
If you come to Tallinn, the shape is simple. You arrive in the evening, we meet in the morning and work through the whole day, and you leave the next morning. One whole day with nothing else in it does more than three half-days spread across a week.
If you would rather stay at home, we do the same day in the same order, on a screen.
Add it up: about forty-four weekly conversations, twelve monthly sessions, four measurements, two full days, one call you can pull at any hour, and Telegram open the whole time. Around ninety hours of my attention, plus everything in between.
A treatment with no end date is not a treatment. It is a subscription.
I wrote that sentence before I ever charged anyone, and it governs this.
The year can end early, and that is a win. From the first month you are watching for one moment: the day you catch yourself asking me a question you already know the answer to. When it comes, you say so. If it comes in month seven, the year ends in month seven. Nothing more is owed and nothing comes back, because the work is finished. That is the best outcome there is, not a loss.
That is different from me ending it. If I stop it because I cannot carry you, the money for the unused months comes back. See the price below.
There is no second year. Not for you and not for anyone. No next tier, no mastermind, no alumni circle, no group. I know that removes the most profitable part of this business. That is the point, and it is the only proof that the exit was real.
What happens after the last day. By then we will know each other well. People who know each other stay in touch, and you can write to me for the rest of my life without paying for it. But neither of us owes the other anything from that day on. No schedule, no promised reply, no obligation in either direction. If it turns into a friendship, good. It will never be a product.
Sixty thousand euros for the year.
One price, one year, one person. Around ninety hours of my attention, a line to me that stays open every day, and two full days set aside for nothing but your life.
€60,000
Paid in full, once, when I accept you. There is no monthly plan and no instalments. A year of work is one decision, and paying for it in one piece is what makes it one decision.
There are no discounts. No codes, no founding price, no early rate, ever. Everyone pays the same. That is the only version of this that is honest.
There is no guarantee of a result, and I will tell you why. Nobody can honestly promise what happens inside another person, and I would not believe anyone who did.
What I do promise is this. If at any point I see that I cannot carry you, I say so and I end it. Then I send back the money for the time we did not use, split evenly across the twelve months. Five thousand euros for every whole month left. No argument and no paperwork.
If you choose to come to Tallinn, your travel and your rooms there are yours to arrange and pay for.
Straight answers
- Do I have to buy your supplement? No. It is not part of this and it is not sold to you here. If it fits what your body needs, I will say so, and you can buy it or ignore it. Nothing about the year changes either way.
- Is this therapy? No. I am not a therapist and I do not treat illness. If you need a therapist or a doctor, have one. Plenty of people have both alongside this, and that works well.
- What language do we work in? English or Estonian. Your choice, and we can switch.
- What if I miss a week? We move it. Life happens. What does not work is missing the practice between the calls, because that is where the year actually happens.
- Can my partner join? The year is built for one person, so no. Your partner will feel the change anyway, and around month ten we work on that conversation directly. But the work itself is yours.
- Do I have to give up alcohol? You will look at what it actually costs you, honestly, with numbers in front of you. What you do after that is yours to decide. I am not here to police anyone.
- Why is there no group? Because a group is where the money is, and the moment I build one I have a reason to keep you. A year that is designed to end cannot have a room you graduate into.
- How many people do you take? Few. Not to make it look rare. It is simply how many people one man can carry properly at the same time. When I am full I say so, and then you either wait or you look elsewhere. I will help you look.
- What if it is not working after three months? Then one of us says it out loud, and usually it is me. If I am the wrong person for you, I end it and send the money for the unused months back.
How someone gets in
- The written application. It takes about twenty minutes, and it is long on purpose. What is your biggest challenge right now. Why now. What have you already tried that did not work. And the one that matters most: what has to be true in twelve months for this to have been worth it. That sentence, in your own words, is what month twelve gets measured against.
- One conversation. Sixty minutes. Real work, whether or not it goes any further. There is nothing to sell you in it. At the end I say yes or no, and I tell you why.
- My own gate. Before I accept anyone I ask myself one question, and it is not about them. Would I carry this person the way I would carry my own child, cost included? If the answer is no, then it is a no, and it says nothing about you. There are no gloves. If I take someone, I take what comes with them.
That is the only reason I take few people. Not to make it look rare. Because that is how many a man can carry at once.