I am not a teacher. I am the experiment.

I built companies in Estonia for thirty-seven years, and I still do. Property development first, and then electronics, scrap metal, car security, and restaurants, one of them a large vegetarian dining room. From the outside it looked like it was working, and by every measure anyone was using, it was.

Inside, I ran a loop. Work until there was nothing left, escape hard, come back, start something new so the coming back had somewhere to go. I called it ambition for about fifteen years.

At forty-five I stood in front of a mirror holding twenty-eight prescription pills, and the sentence in my head was better death than this kind of life.

I put them in the bin. It was the first thing in my adult life I actually chose rather than fell into.

That night was worse than anything that came before it. In the morning I did two squats, to prove the body was still mine and that I was not going to hand it over.

Then six years mostly out of business and mostly alone. Breathing, meditation, chanting, long fasts. Those six were the hardest years, and people hear them as the whole story. They were one chapter. I had been at this for a long time before them and I have been at it for much longer since.

When I first wanted to share what the practice had given me, my teacher said, quietly: maybe not yet. He was right, and I stopped. For years I was certain I had nothing to share and never would again.

Later, when the wanting was completely gone, he said: now you could.

So I did. Not on stages. One person at a time, at my own table, often until early morning, for years. Someone who had sat there told the next person. Everything on this site came out of those nights, and so does the book.

Then I met the love of my life, and a gentleness I had not known existed.

This book would not exist without Triinu-Liis. I was the relentless seeker, hacking my way through the jungle of spirituality with a thousand books and ten thousand hours of practice. She was the intuitive healer who had lived these truths since childhood. When she could not sleep as a child, her mother taught her to breathe. Without a name for it, without a single technique or teacher, she entered deep states naturally.

I had needed a mirror, twenty-eight pills and six years alone to arrive at what her mother had given her at bedtime with one instruction: breathe. Watching her, I understood something that stung and freed me at the same time. What I had fought so hard for had been there the whole time, as close as the breath.

She later studied bioenergetics formally and became a teacher of teachers in her field. Today she guides other women through her own courses and her podcast, and we built AllGaia together.

It was Triinu-Liis who watched these principles being shared with friends and with people who were struggling, and saw the larger pattern. She saw the map that had been drawn, and knew it was not meant for a few people at one table.

In this partnership I finally learned the thing I had failed at before, which was to receive. To be seen without armour. To let another person’s gentleness reach me instead of deflecting it. A balanced partnership is not a fantasy. I can tell you it exists, and that it is available to you too.

I am fifty-eight. I develop property, manage a building, run a restaurant, make a supplement, and I am writing a book. I will still be doing all of that during the year you work with me, and that is deliberate: I am not available to be your full-time attention, and someone who is should worry you.

I have no medical qualification, no certification, and no method I learned at a seminar. What I have is more than twenty-five years of running this on one subject, and an order that turned out to be the same order every time.

What I offer →